My current Face Book status reads:
While you scream at your woman, there's a man wishing he could whisper in her ear. While you humiliate, offend, and insult her, there's a man trying to flirt with her and hoping to remind her how beautiful she is. While you hurt her, there's a man wishing he could take her pain away. While you make her cry, there's a man wanting to steal smiles from her. Post this on your wall if you are against Domestic Violence!!


I copied this from a friend's status who has gone through this hurt and pain. I re-posted it because I am currently supporting a friend who is going through this hurt and pain.


I'm not sure what to write about this subject. I know this post made me cry. I have seen first hand what this kind of violence does to a person's spirit. My friend, who is such a bad ass, cooks amazing meals, keeps a beautiful home, is hilarious and talented and artistic and creative was reduced to a woman who laid in bed most of the day, crying. She avoided the world because she was convinced she was crazy. There was something wrong with her. She thought all those things she felt about herself were false and weren't true. But, they were true. She was and is that amazing.


When it all hit the wall a while back, I also saw what it does to a woman's body. I have pictures of the bruises and scratches. I saw the torn shirt that was thrown away by him. He continues to deny any wrong doing and continually states that his behavior was to help her. It was for her own good. She was trying to get out of the car after all. We wouldn't want that, would we. Her phone was taken away. She was not let out of her bedroom. She was then physically assaulted by her older daughter.


She has four children.


All of this and more that I do not want to talk about was not enough to make her leave. She had a family after all and really, it was her fault. She had made horrible mistakes and she was not strong enough to be on her own. She would never make it. She knew this because he told her so. He was her protector and there to help when things happened. When she was sad, or wanted to get out of the car, reach out to a friend, admit herself to the hospital, he was right there to hold her tight. Tight enough to leave marks and scratches. But, it was for her own good.


She believed this for almost 20 years.


Then a light went off and she started to not believe it.


But, what would the family say. What would friends, colleagues of her husband, the school, neighbors say. They had seen her act crazy as he "helped" her and whispered "sorry" to them. Those people not knowing that nails were dug in. Those people not knowing that her struggling was not because she was crazy but because she was not. Because, she was not crazy. She was struggling to get free from his grip because it hurt and no one likes to be treated that was. But, his sad pleading eyes, turned to anyone who witnessed his help, served to confirm the lie he has been telling all along.


Finally, she did leave. It took 20 years, pictures, friends vowing support, my family stepping in for the family that might or might not stick with her, a psychiatrist, a counselor, and a wonderful group called ALIVE that saves women from this kind of shit. 


It was not easy. It was hard. It still is hard. There were orders of protection, court dates and lawyers, on his side anyway. There are confused children and friends that have believed the lie for too long to let go of it. There were rude and hateful letters sent by her husband's colleagues whom she has always respected. There was the fear that he was right and that she was incompetent. There were the good times stuck in her head that told her maybe it was not so bad. So many things that would make a woman turn back. Many do. But, she has not.


It's hard. It will get harder. (and that's what she said) *don't worry, the person I am writing about will laugh her ass of at that, I promise you* But, everything he said was a lie. She is strong and smart and beautiful and creative, thoughtful, caring, respected, hard working, a great mom, an incredible face painter, and an amazing friend.


Thank you for being so strong my friend. I could not drive you back to that house to be with him one more time after consoling you regarding the latest abuse. It was killing me and it was destroying you. You have people rallying around you ready to support, love and help. Let the others go, as hard as that is (she said that, too) let them go! Like I always say, they are keys in lava baby. They are gone, just let them go. The truth is there and can only be denied for so long.


I love you my friend and you amaze me!