Catching Up

Well, with the holidays gone I am in the midst of catching up with what I am supposed to be doing. I came up with a list of exactly what that entailed during the last few days of the girls winter break. I have to say that making the list was a lot more exciting than executing it.

I love to be organized and get ideas on paper. I love to see how with just a few hours of work the house can be clean and orderly. It's the same way I feel after I design a beautiful quilt and pick out all of the fabrics, figure the measurements and then look at what will be created.

That's where the excitement ends and the paralysis begins. I love the idea stage. I'm not so hot on the now do it phase. The list I made to care for the family, my actual job at the moment, is hard to jump into. But, it's not. It's a good list. It's reasonable. I am frustrated with and do not understand my stuckness. Do other people go through this and I just don't know about it?

I'm also very good at solving other people's problems. I come up with ideas of how they can better their situation, I can get their houses clean and organized, I can entertain their children, help them fill in their orders of protection for the court, just about anything. So, how come when I see my list of 3 things to do to keep up with what I am supposed to do I find 5 other things to do instead?

I have a beautiful quilt designed for my niece who is 1 year and 5 months old. It was a gift that I was to start right after she was born and we found out if she was a girl or a boy. I have about half of the material cut, but just can't seem to get the rest cut. I love to design, I don't like to cut, I love to sew, I don't like to quilt.

How do people power through what they struggle with in life. My life is plush. I get to stay at home, work 3-4 hours a week, volunteer at things I like (although I am trying to reign, this in a bit), and take care of the family. This should not be this uphill battle it feels like.

I don't clean because I want to be working on creative things, I don't work on the creative things because I feel guilty that I should be doing house stuff. So, I end up endlessly volunteering so that I am not here and I feel like my time away is justified because I am helping others. Well, it's a new year and it's time to help myself and my family. So, I am off to scrub toilets and then read, cook dinner and then sew a bit, put away clothes and then have sex with my husband.

See, I know what the balance is between work and fun. I just made a list. I love the idea stage!!