This blog is a stream of conciousness from my head to the keyboard to the screen. There will be talk of random subjects. If you have delicate eyes, proceed with caution. I like to talk about controversial subjects and sex a lot. So, take heed my friends. This is not a blog for debate, but for love and sharing. If your views do not match my own, love to you, but don't bring the rest of us down. That's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Catching Up

Well, with the holidays gone I am in the midst of catching up with what I am supposed to be doing. I came up with a list of exactly what that entailed during the last few days of the girls winter break. I have to say that making the list was a lot more exciting than executing it.

I love to be organized and get ideas on paper. I love to see how with just a few hours of work the house can be clean and orderly. It's the same way I feel after I design a beautiful quilt and pick out all of the fabrics, figure the measurements and then look at what will be created.

That's where the excitement ends and the paralysis begins. I love the idea stage. I'm not so hot on the now do it phase. The list I made to care for the family, my actual job at the moment, is hard to jump into. But, it's not. It's a good list. It's reasonable. I am frustrated with and do not understand my stuckness. Do other people go through this and I just don't know about it?

I'm also very good at solving other people's problems. I come up with ideas of how they can better their situation, I can get their houses clean and organized, I can entertain their children, help them fill in their orders of protection for the court, just about anything. So, how come when I see my list of 3 things to do to keep up with what I am supposed to do I find 5 other things to do instead?

I have a beautiful quilt designed for my niece who is 1 year and 5 months old. It was a gift that I was to start right after she was born and we found out if she was a girl or a boy. I have about half of the material cut, but just can't seem to get the rest cut. I love to design, I don't like to cut, I love to sew, I don't like to quilt.

How do people power through what they struggle with in life. My life is plush. I get to stay at home, work 3-4 hours a week, volunteer at things I like (although I am trying to reign, this in a bit), and take care of the family. This should not be this uphill battle it feels like.

I don't clean because I want to be working on creative things, I don't work on the creative things because I feel guilty that I should be doing house stuff. So, I end up endlessly volunteering so that I am not here and I feel like my time away is justified because I am helping others. Well, it's a new year and it's time to help myself and my family. So, I am off to scrub toilets and then read, cook dinner and then sew a bit, put away clothes and then have sex with my husband.

See, I know what the balance is between work and fun. I just made a list. I love the idea stage!!

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