This blog is a stream of conciousness from my head to the keyboard to the screen. There will be talk of random subjects. If you have delicate eyes, proceed with caution. I like to talk about controversial subjects and sex a lot. So, take heed my friends. This is not a blog for debate, but for love and sharing. If your views do not match my own, love to you, but don't bring the rest of us down. That's all I'm saying.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I woke up at 5:45 this morning. No alarm. Just woke up and laid in bed for a bit. As a side note, I have to leave early to teach gymnastics so that I can drop my daughter's lunch off at school. Why? I didn't get it made in time.

These things are related. You see, while I woke up exceptionally early, I didn't get out of bed until 6:45. I even got out of bed once to check something on the computer and then went back. I can't seem to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure why. I like to call it "morning paralysis."

I experience morning paralysis often. Sometimes the kids are even late to school because I can not get myself up and going. Starting the day is so overwhelming to me. I think it's similar to what I wrote about yesterday. It's like there is a giant list of things I have to accomplish during the day and it is so intimidating to get it started. For example this morning this is what was the list I saw in my head:

- wake up
- get dressed
- brush teeth
-fix hair
- put on make-up
- wake up girls
- make breakfast
-make lunches
- make sure girls are dressed
- make sure girls hair is fixed
- make sure girls have their book bags
- get girls coats on
- get girls out the door to the bus on time
- clean up breakfast
- make coffee
- check e-mails
- bring Kalyn's lunch up to school
- teach gymnastice

This brings my day up to 9:30. While nothing on this list is hard, in my head the list is so long that I can't get the motivation to get out of bed to get started. Once I am started, all is well and I am moving.

Often in the afternoon, a very similar thing happens as I am looking to after school and evening activities and anticipating the list starting over the next day.

It's crazy. It's nonsense. Why do I have a pity party so often. It's embarrassing to even put this particular thought out there because I know how much other people struggle. But, this is me. This is my brain and my psyche.  It's all good.

Time to go take lunch to school.

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