This page will contain my thoughts on intimacy to a degree that some people may not want to read. So, because of that I will be publishing a separate page that contains the information. So, feel free to look for future postings here. It is not meant to be shocking, or superfluous, just real and honest.
Seriously. This gets a bit graphic. You have been warned twice now.
Blaine gets home so soon. He has been out of town on business for a while now. I miss his body sleeping next to me. I miss his kisses. I miss his tongue. I miss him pressed against me, sliding slowly in me and our bodies rising and falling together. I can't wait for him to be in bed with me again. Sweaty, tangled, sticky listening to the wind blowing outside of our window. Trying to be quiet in case the girls aren't fully asleep. It's so hard now that they don't go to bed until later. At least our room is downstairs and theirs is upstairs : ) That new level of privacy has been awesome at this house. We will use that privacy and sound barrier in the days to come.
My husband has been lamenting the fact that I have not updated in a while. I don't know what to say. Sex is good. It is always good. It amazes me that after being together for 18 years, things are still fun and new and creative.
There are times when I want to kill my husband. But, as I said to a friend recently, he's good in bed. it's his saving grace.
I think part of it is he loves my body. I don't think he just tells me this. I really believe it. He loves all two baby carrying, 38 year old, slight belly, boobs not so high, round butt inch of my. And he is very attentive to ever inch too.
He asks to lick me all the time. If I am not in the mood for sex, he will beg to lick me. Frankly, I usually say no because if I am not in the mood, I am not in the mood. However, it is a tricky proposition because he is good at it. I end dizzy and sweaty, not being able to talk and then I am so wet he can just slide in, which I love him to do when I am still having the orgasm, or the second or third one. Seriously, he's good.
He tells me he loves the way I look, taste and smell. He loves when I am already wet when he goes down because he knows that I want him and I am acknowledging how good he is like a nice little wife: )
tell your partner what you like about them. It doesn't have to lead to anything, but it is so nice to hear. I love to hear that he likes to see all of me. It makes me so much more willing to try things and trust because I am not trying to hide behind covers, or excuses not to lay myself all out there. Literally.
Go have some oral sex today. You'll be happy you did. It's fun and it feels good and it is even more magical if you both are engaging in the lovely act at the same time. LOVE THAT!
Holy smokes. The other day was awesome. I think this was Friday of last week.
I went to teach gymnastics and when I got home, Blaine was waiting at the door for me. I walked in and started to talk and he grabbed me, pinned me against the door and started to kiss me so passionately, it took my completely by surprise.
We slid the rest of the way into the house, still kissing and shut the door. I dropped my keys, purse, jacket, and anything else that was in my hands. Clothes started to be removed. It was so awesome because I didn't even have time to let those thoughts of: am I in the mood, was there something I was supposed to be doing, etc. even start to surface.
We were just in the moment. That moment together. Blaine lifted me of the ground and kissed and fell together against the wall. We stopped for a moment and then he left me down and I drug him quickly into the bedroom.
It was such a freeing and beautiful experience to not think, to just be together. Windows were open, no kids were around, it was the middles of the day and there was just the two of us.
It reminded me of college when we lived in this beautiful bubble. I would go to visit Blaine and we would have sex, be naked, all day. Because we could. There was nothing else, just us.
After, when we were collapsed on the bed, the only difference between now and then was there was no bong to be fetched before a nice nap. But, that's ok. Somethings were meant to change. We laid there for a while. Enjoying each other and the breeze blowing across out sweaty naked bodies (oh yea, we were sweaty).
I'm teaching gymnastics this morning. I wonder what will be waiting for me when I get home today : ).
Well, we didn't get that house I was talking about, but we are in the process of getting one that would put us on a different level from the kids with the playroon being directly above us. That could be good news. So, we'll see. Everything is going swimmingly as far as getting the inspections and paperwork done.
I look forward to nights of music, candlelight, incense and great love making without worrying about waking the children. There are not just lovely moaning noises (but they are there) there is also a lot of just talk and laughter. Be sure to laugh and have fun when you are being intimate. Laughter is sexy and fun. Being playful is a nice way to explore new things and make them less intimidating.
Have you ever used blindfolds? It is super fun and can lead to hysterical laughter and playfulness. One person is blindfolded and the other gets to kiss or touch anywhere, but snce sight is gone, you don't know where the kisses are going to go. I always laugh like crazy because it tickles to much and because it is kind of goofy and just fun.
I think I know what I will be doing this evening. I hadn't thought about this game in a while. I think it is time to bring out the bandanas. Yippee!
Well, we have just put a third bid in on a house and I hope we get it. There are lots of things I like about this house, but I won't lie, one of them is the bedroom configuration. Right now, our bedroom door is 3 ft. from either of our children's bedroom doors. Picture each of their doors at the top of a V and our at the bottom.
There are certain facts of life that our oldest now understands and is disturbed by, just like all of us once were. I am no longer disturbed, but excited about these fact of life. Sometimes I am very excited about them. When that happens, things can be a bit noisy.
I am dreading the day I hear a voice say "What is that noise?" We always lock the door, just in case, but still. In the new house, The girls will be on the other side of the hall with a bathroom in between us. Sweet!
I also plan to install ceiling fans in all the rooms. So, with the space, and fans, I will be able to use whatever volume I want. Woo Hoo!
I think showing enthusiasm, verbally is an important part of the whole experience. It's the same reason that even professional teams have cheerleaders. Even when you know what you are doing, and have been doing it for a long time, encouragement is always welcome. As is a firm slap on the ass!
So, keep your fingers crossed. Right now I can only fully express myself when the girls have a sleepover night, which isn't often. Common house!
I find that some days my needs in this area are ridiculous. Poor Blaine is too tired and allergy ridden (sneezing, swollen eyes, headaches, etc.) to go along with my shenanigans. Don't get me wrong, he's willing to a point, but I'm all ramped up lately. This whole peri-menopausal thing is wacky! (yea, I know that is hot).
I will go for a week or two saying "cacao" to everything (please, for the love, watch "Portlandia" to get the reference, it is so worth it). Then there will be weeks that Blaine is afraid of me and my advances. What's a girl to do?
Thankfully I have a lovely shower and willing partner or I might explode!!
I love that Blaine works at home and we can have sex in the middle of the afternoon. That's all. I am just happy about it and wanted to share.
Today's topic is erotica. I am speaking of the short stories and novels that lay out, a little pun intended, stories along with great details about sexy and intimate moments. I love to read these because to me, the more left to the imagination, the better. That is what I think is missing in porn movies. There is nothing left to the imagination. It's the same idea as lingerie. You could just be naked, but it is a little hotter to leave some covered, to be un-covered later.
So, onto the topic. I have a book or two that I have found that I like to read, but more to the point, have read to me. It's a fun part of setting the mood similar to candles, music, incense, etc. It is fun to insist that the whole story be read before anything is allowed to happen. Sometimes that happens, sometimes not. Sometimes I get started and make him wait. That's good stuff, too.
By the time the story is over, so many things are stirring through my mind, among other places, that everything is very intense and passionate. It is awesome.
This is not an everyday, or should I say, every session occurrence. But, from time to time it is fun. Keeping it for special times also help this game keep from getting old.
There are a lot of great books out there and I am sure there would be one to fit your taste. I usually just get them at Boarders or Barnes and Noble. It is not something that I think can be bought on-line. I pick the books the same way I pick any book, I forgot where I heard this method. I flip to 3 random pages and read them. If my interest is peaked I do that one more time. If my interest is still peeked, chances are it is a book I will like. (I just remembered, it was at a book reading by Richard Bach, he suggested this method for finding books).
I like when they are in short story form for the game mentioned above. But, I do have some novels that are awesome. Not silly romance novels (although there is nothing wrong with them), but actual literature, old literature that has beautiful descriptions of sex and foreplay and lust and love. I love the books because they can state these acts using beautiful prose, but it is still so sensual.
Go pick up some lovely erotica today, or at least soon. Read it yourself, read it to someone, have it read to you. See which of these ways you like best. COme up with playful ways to use it, on your own or with your partner.
Last night I did not have sex. I thought this would actually be a good topic of conversation because I felt like maybe it seemed as if that was all I did. Not that it would matter if that was the case, but I wanted to talk about why and how to not have sex. Just go with me.
Blaine and I took our nightly bath together, a ritual when it is hella cold outside and there is no way I can get in bed without warming up. It is a great place to talk without distraction. Also, we are then both clean, so bonus if fun stuff happens after.
When we got out of the tub, I was just not in the mood. However, we snuggled and kissed and held each other naked, close and warm. I love this!! So much of the time this changes my mind, or Blaine's if he is not in the mood (yes, guys can not be in the mood, too). Not the case last night. Still not in the mood.
Blaine made reference to the fact that he wanted to be with me and I told him I was not in the mood, but I was super happy to make out and play a bit. Again, this usual changes the tides in my feelings and I say, let's go. But, not last night.
Blaine assured me that I would be so happy if we would just have sex. This is something we say to one another when it is not looking good. I said no. He said, no really I would like it so much. Still no. Then he complained that parts of his male anatomy was turning blue and hurt and that I couldn't leave him in that state. This was said as he held said male part and in true Family Guy style made noises indicating pain for a full minute plus. I said no. He laid down and I fell asleep on his chest.
Do you see the hilarity in all of this? Do you see the major communication? Say no if you mean no, but be open to the possibility that you might change your mind. Don't be afraid to do other things (kiss, touch, play, etc.) thinking that it forces you to have to have sex if you are not in the mood. I felt this way for a long time and it ended up with many hurt feelings along the way.
Blaine and I are in no way perfect communicators. But we try really really hard. If nothing else, we know when we are physical with one another, it is because it is something we both want to do. There is no question about if the other one is interested and engaged. In order to have this, the trade off is finding ways to say no that do not hurt the other one's feelings and to do it in a consistent and kind way and to be open to what you are willing to do.
Are you open to sitting on the couch and holding hands? Are you open to a high school style makeout session (if you haven't done this in a while do it, it is so funny)? Are you willing to hold each other, clothed or naked? Are you willing to touch or be touched? Are you willing to come together in coital bliss?
It's not about sex. It's about intimacy and communication. Don't get me wrong, I like the sex part, too. But, the goal with physical relationships, in a relationship, is to strengthen bonds and create a feeling of connection.
Last night I said no. Blaine and I laughed and kissed and held each other. It was awesome.
OK. I have been being harassed to write more on this page. Not a problem. I am happy to oblige. I wasn't sure how many people would read my thoughts about this subject.
So, today I will be talking about masturbation, rubbing one out, flicking the bean, pulling the pork, etc. Whatever you call it, everyone does it. If you are right now thinking, "No I don't." then I'm here to tell you you should.
I did not know that other girls did this until I went to college. Honest! You hear boys talking about it, being teased about it, and it is just accepted that this is something that guys do. Well, I do, too. It wasn't until a strange conversation between a group of us in a hot tub in college until I realized I wasn't the only one.
Let me tell you why you should: 1) It is a great stress reliever, 2) It feels good, 3) You should be familiar with your body, 4) How else will anyone else know what feels good to you if you don't know and can't direct them?
I am a huge proponent of toys. There are dildos, vibrators, magic bullets (please look this up if you do not have one or do not know what this is), a whole host of lovely detachable shower heads that can be installed in your bathroom, your fingers and hand can be great, and so many more. If you do not have any toys and are interested in checking some out you can check out babeland.com. It's a great site and gives great explanations. You can also go to adult toy stores. Find one that makes you feel comfortable and where the people know what they are talking about. My favorite is in South Lake Tahoe at Mount Bleu (a hotel). The people were not creepy, they knew their products, and they could direct you as to what would be great for you. You can also host your own toy party. SO FUN. But, more on that later.
Now, there are lots of ways to go about this. First of all, check yourself out. Look around, feel around, use a mirror so you can see what others see. Be happy about what you see!! This is a magical, awesome area of your body. Respect it! Love it! I have a pair of panties that says "I love my vagina." It reminds me that I have to love it, because it is mine and it is awesome! If you don't love it, no one else will. And that would be sad.
Oh, a quick note before getting into particulars, be familiar with lube. There is water based and silicon based. They have different pros and cons and certain toys require certain kinds. Be familiar! Get to know your lube. Love it and used it!
I like to be in the shower. It is warm and wet, the way I think sex should be. I have some waterproof toys, but generally I like to use the shower head or my fingers, or both. I wait until I am all clean and shaved and then take the shower head off the holder and sit in the bottom of the tub.
I let the water spray over and around me and watch the water drip down the walls and the curtain. Slowly I spread my legs. This alone generally elicits a gasp. When the water or air or husbands fingers first touch me, there is always an immediate sensation of warmth that shoots around and through my body. I let the water flow all over me, keeping me warm and getting me hot.
I let the massage of the water work it's way down my stomach to the area that it is meant for. I watch how the spray hits so that I can control which stream is hitting where. Some spots need more direct sensation, others less. I decide on the feeling, the timing, the intensity and the speed in which I finish.
I continue to let the water and my hands wander until that warm feeling begins to rush up from my toes. I decide if I am ready or not. When I am, I sit in the glow of the rush and let the water spray over me, and warm me, while I envision my love's body collapsing on top of mine in a sticky warm heap after we both cum.
Then I decide if I am done or not. This can continue you know. That's one of the many beautiful things about a woman's body. Sorry guys.We don't have to settle for just one orgasm. I sit in the tub and let the water keep me warm until I am clear headed. Then I turn off the shower and dry off. This is the most perfect time for a naked nap when time allows. If not, I am relaxed and ready to continue my day, plus I have a story to tell Blaine later that night. These stories always make him happy.
Find some quiet time and go explore today. Tell your partner what you found out. Partners love to hear how to please you. It is up to you to figure it out and clue them in. So, in the next few days, play around, and tell your partner at least one new thing he or she can do to please you. If you are your own partner, take note of what feels good and be kind to yourself. Spend some time with yourself.
Go forth and play!
If you would be interested in coming to a toy party (I promise they are LOTS of fun and not at all intimidating) let me know. I have been thinking about hosting one. There is a consultant who has run three parties for my family for cousin's bachelorette parties. She is hilarious! She is older, used to be a nun and is super funny.
Let's start with one of my favorite topics, oral sex. I love to give it. I love to receive it. And if both are done at the same time, all the better.
I really do feel that oral sex is much more intimate than standard, stick it in, sex. I think because of that it is a lot more intimidating for lots of people as well.
When people say that they do not like to have someone go down on them all I can think is that they have not had a partner who knows what they are doing or the receiver has not told the partner what to do. Communication is so important with this act. It reminds me of the scene in Chasing Amy where they are talking about being too shy to give directions and then eventually finding their voice to say "to the left, to the right, up, down, stop!" Great movie, great scene.
I love the smells and tastes and feeling of blowing my husband. Not much talking is done anymore. It is all in the body language. I listen to his breath, read the rise and fall of his body, feel the tensing of his muscles and the firmness in my mouth. It gets me crazy! It does not take long before I can't stand it anymore and I have to move up for him to be in me, or to sit on his face. Either way, I finally get some relief for the energy that has been building.
The shower is a favorite place to do this. The warm water hitting us, the sound of the water splashing, the cleanliness of everything inviting more exploration. And then, let's face it, easy clean up : )
Blaine is coming home tonight and I haven't seen him in a week. I can't wait until the kids go to bed. This writing has given me ideas!