This blog is a stream of conciousness from my head to the keyboard to the screen. There will be talk of random subjects. If you have delicate eyes, proceed with caution. I like to talk about controversial subjects and sex a lot. So, take heed my friends. This is not a blog for debate, but for love and sharing. If your views do not match my own, love to you, but don't bring the rest of us down. That's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Gifts for My Children

Do you ever do things and then realize it is something you have seen your children do? Sometimes I see them and hear myself. But for me, generally, it is a realization that I have just mimicked something that I get after them for. Then the thought that they perform that action, because of me, causes a moment of pause.

Sometimes this pause is filled with laughter because I think it is so funny that they chose to copy that statement or action. Other times it makes me sad because it is something that I do not like and would rather they did not emulate.

After such an incident this afternoon with Blaine, I had to really stop and think about why I interrupt people who are speaking to me. This is something my girls do all of this time and it drives us both super crazy.

So, I was wondering why does this happen with me? I do not feel what I have to say is more important or valid. I want to hear what the other person is saying. I realized that I don't know I am doing it, until I am doing it. When I have a thought in my mind, it takes a minute to process it before I am able to find the words. Many of you who know me well have seen me pause mid-sentence to search for a word or a phrase to verbalize my thought. Since this thought is stuck in my head as I am processing it, I often do not hear that someone else is starting to speak. It is only once my thought is together and I am speaking it that I hear that someone else is already speaking.

Our youngest will walk up to Blaine and I and just start talking. When we pause and draw her attention to the fact that we are in the middle of a conversation, she usually replies, "Well I didn't know." This has always confused us because we were obviously speaking. Now maybe I understand. Slow processing. That is our problem. How to fix it, I don't know. But, I think I will be a little more lenient on my kids when they interrupt the hundreds of times a day that they do.

So, let's see, gifts that I have given to my children. I have given this gift of interrupting along with some anxiety, OCD, major tactile defensiveness and other sensory issues. That's OK. Counseling and medications abound and they will be fine.

Growing up with all these traits in my little body, in my adolescent years, early adulthood and up to now, has created the person that I am today. It has developed other traits and ways of being that I am proud to pass on and I am happy to see the girls imitate.

I am very compassionate and driven to help people, especially the "under dogs." I was an under dog a lot of the time growing up. I know what it meant to me when people would take time to help or notice what I did. This is also why I became a teacher, studied psychology and got a degree in multi-ethnic education. I want us all to champion each other regardless of our similarities or differences in race, gender, age, SES, culture, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, family make-up, etc.

I am deeply spiritual. I had to be in those years that I was suicidal everyday. I had to feel there was a purpose for me to be here. I had to feel, and know, that a higher power put me here because I was to make a difference otherwise, I would have cashed in my chips long long ago.

I am a big smart-ass. When you are teased and laughed at often, you either cry a lot or learn to laugh. I decided about 10 years ago I would laugh. I laugh loud and often. I make jokes about things all the time. I am very sarcastic because I like that type of humor and I think it reveals truth in a way that people will listen.

I love deeply. I do not let a lot of people into my inner circle of friends. There are lots of people who I respect and value that I don't let in. If you are in my inner circle it is because I love you and I trust you with everything that I have and everything that I am.

This leads to a trait that can be good or bad, I am vulnerable. I decided a long time ago to be a Pollyanna about this world. I truly believe that people are good. People want to do good things. All parents try. There are circumstances that lead to bad decision making. There are things beyond our control that can make us use poor judgement. However, in general, I am willing to be disappointed or get hurt from time to time to live in a world where I believe people have my back and people are well meaning.

So, let's see, compassion, spirituality, a sense of humor, deep love and vulnerability are also gifts I give to my children. All of these things I also see emulated on a daily basis. My girls are amazing, caring, gifted, passionate children. So I consider those traits I mentioned earlier the yin to the yang of these traits.
All things in balance.

What gifts of yours do you see in the people around you? What gifts do you see in yourself. Look and see what you are passing around, I am sure you will be impressed. We are all complicated complex creatures of nature, nurture, circumstance, fate, and free will. Embrace all that you are and all the gifts you have today.

A friend passed on some words that she saw on a t-shirt the other day. I think it sums up all things well: Namaste Bitches!

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